Central Intelligence
Dustin Chase
The name of Kevin Hart’s new movie is ironic, having “Intelligence” in the title, since none of his films have had an ounce of it. Kevin Hart is like processed food, no matter where you go, what time of year, or what the label looks like, you will always find the same boring ingredients with the same disappointing taste. “Ride Along” 1 & 2 has worked so well, Hart just rolled the concept of obnoxious guy with a police officer into obnoxious guy with a CIA officer. “Central Intelligence” has the same jokes, gags and outcomes as all Hart films. Stupid physical comedy where he later embraces the very thing he is terrified of, making a friend, and living happily ever after.
During his high school years Calvin Joyner (Hart) was the all-star, the prom king, the stand out student. Overweight Bob Stone (Johnson) wasn’t so lucky, and a prank during homecoming, with the whole school watching, left the bullied Stone tarnished for life. 20 years later, the class of 1996 is about to have their reunion, when out of the blue, Joyner, who failed to fulfill his most likely to succeed honor, gets a Facebook request from Stone. That extra 200lb of flab is now muscle, and he needs Joyner’s accounting skills to help solve a CIA operation gone bad. Joyner gets dragged into a dangerous plot where the agency believes Stone to be a rogue agent. He gets passed between agent in charge Pamela Harris (Ryan) and the man he thought he knew, all while running for his life.
Kevin Hart is like processed food, no matter where you go, what time of year, or what the label looks like, you will always find the same boring ingredients with the same disappointing taste.
Action and comedy go together about as well as bacon and cake. Using governmental agencies in these action/comedies has become commonplace, Central Intelligence borrows nearly every twist from Melissa McCarthy’s Spy. You compound how often action/comedies use the same plot on top of actors like Hart & Johnson who only know how to play one and a half different versions of themselves and you get something that’s about as exciting as watching a dull shade of paint dry. “Central Intelligence” is the second movie in under a week to directly reference Vin Diesel. Movie references are thrown around here like bullets, as are cameo’s including some of the biggest names and most recognizable faces.
Scene after scene we watch Hart do his panic and squeal, just like he did in “Get Hard”, “The Wedding Ringer”, “This is the End” and so on. The film takes full advantage of the size discrepancy between the two actors, even using it in their infamous poser tagline. Johnson may branch out into additional genres, but he is as repetitious as Hart in his role of the hero. These films are divisive because there are viewers who enjoy seeing the same movie plots over and over again; it provides some type of familiar and relaxing entertainment, something I will never understand. The scripts in these films are so morbidly stupid that my brain just completely shuts off and thinks it’s time to sleep, because of the lack in stimulation I am receiving on screen.
Final Thought
Movies like this are where intelligence goes to die.