Starring Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum
When even the characters in the movie are projectile vomiting, you can imagine what audiences who actually paid for this will be doing. Writer David Koepp should really stop directing movies, and stick to writing. This is his second failure writing/directing Depp (Secret Window). Mortdecai has far more problems than just the writing and directing, besides never having a purpose for being on the big screen, it’s confounding why these Oscar nominated actors would even allow themselves to be associated with such and ill born concept.
Charlie Mortdecai (Depp) is a fast talking, in debt, namsey-pamsey who has decided that a handle bar mustache is more important than his wife Johanna’s affections. Mortdecai, a detective of sorts, is tasked with tracking down a lost Goya painting that has been unearthed and also contains a valuable account number. Detective Martland (McGregor), sweet on Johanna (Paltrow), assists with the criminal involvement in the case, as the bodies start to pile up. Mortdecai, often over his head and being shot at, is always protected by his man-servant Jock (Bettany), whom the philanthropist seems to accidently shoot quiet often.
The script begins to sound like something a middle school child might pen.
Mortdecai follows in the sad footsteps of low brow comedic failures like Mr. Bean, The Pink Panther or The Naked Gun. It’s dialogue seems more often than not to focus on male genitalia, so frequently in fact that even Mortdecai himself brings up the question when he is instructed to, “open your balls”. The script begins to sound like something a middle school child might pen, for example, “It looks like a vagina on your face”. Then of course you do seem to remember that Koepp has been nominated for more Razzie awards than Oscars.
It’s a silly detective comedy where no one is really supposed to be interested in the plot, only Depp’s prancing through alleyways reducing any doubt that he is still playing Capt. Jack Sparrow, just in a different disguise. Outside of her Pepper Potts franchise role, this will mark the Oscar winner’s third leading role disappointment. Things are even worse for Depp who hasn’t led a hit since 2011, so he is being sent back to rebuild his popularity with sequels to characters that audiences seem to never tire of. Thankfully no one will ever suggest he return to this mustache wearing disaster.
Another reminder of the very limited talent of two major ‘celebrities’.